Advice For Younger Men: On Meeting Older Men

When I was on the market I generally limited myself to dating websites. They worked out for me pretty well, but I can understand that others may shy away from that method for meeting men. Since meeting someone, I’ve become a lot more socially active, and in doing so have come to realize there are other approaches to meeting men. The following are six strategies for younger men seeking an older partner. They might not all seem right for you, but hopefully the will provide you a broader set of strategies for meeting the right guy.

1. Find a gay online dating site that meets your needs. It is probably less imperative for younger guys than older guys, but you might consider dating sites geared toward intergenerational relationships. Sites such as Silverdaddies and SeeksOlder offer great search tools for finding compatible matches. While these sites still provide opportunities for casual dating they also present a sizable pool interested in serious relationships. I met my partner online and several men that I still consider my friends.

2. Join an organized social group tailored to an GLBT audience. Many communities have gay groups geared toward a variety of interests. If you’re just coming out you may consider joining a coming out support group. They offer a great opportunity to build a network of people going through a similar experience and the opportunity to meet interesting individuals. Or, you may want to choose a group that relates to your hobbies or interests. Organizations such as gay book clubs, political organizations, and outdoor/environmentalist groups are common and likely to attract an older crowd. If there is a pass-time you like, there are probably other gay people already organized and doing it together (the pass-time that is). If you meet someone at one of these groups you already know there’s at least one thing you have in common.

3. Go to art events. While the audience for art events aren’t necessarily all gay, a large number of older gay men are likely to turn out. While I think events in the visual arts are best, the performing arts such as plays and concerts provide intermissions in which you might mingle with people you’re interested in. The gallery districts of many cities hold first Friday events or other sorts of festivals. I think theses are excellent opportunities for meeting people; the art on exhibit offer excellent conversations starters.

4. Attend fundraising events; older men tend to be more politically involved. Whether it is a fundraiser for your local HIV/AIDS charity or a local Democratic candidate, fundraisers can provide an opportunity to meet smart and socially engaged people. It doesn’t hurt that potential mates will also see you as a caring socially conscious person.

5. Get involved with your local GLBT resource center. By staying involved in the community you’ll stay abreast of special events and you can build a network of friends. Who knows they just might introduce you to Mr. Right. My local community center regularly holds a GLBT “happy hour” at a local bar. Your resource center may also get you connected to those social groups I mentioned earlier.

6. Keep you eyes and mind open during your day to day life. As a group gay people are pretty bad at self ghettoizing; we think that gay bars and dating sites are our only options. Instead, remain open to opportunities to meet people all the time. Your hobbies and everyday activities may present opportunities for potential mates to approach you. Just walking your dog, riding your motorcycle, or going to the gym may draw a potential mate’s attention. Also, look for ways to start conversations with those men you find handsome or interesting. I’m not saying you should start by putting on the charm full force, but test the waters with attractive older men when you can. Even if they don’t happen to be gay learning to approach and talk with older men will be good practice for when you do meet an older gay man.

For those younger guys out there that have dated older men, what strategies have worked best for you? What sorts of places do you find older gay men?

About these ads

69 Responses

  1. I agree with many of the points you raise – and practice does make perfect when making small talk or chatting someone up.

    Many people (of all ages) are shy about talking to someone they are interested in and often waste an entire evening longing to talk to them but unable to do so. So it helps to practice and to have an opening line which gets discussion going – and learn to listen.

    As my “ex” always says, if you talk to someone there are three possible outcomes: 1=”Yes”, 2=”No” or 3= You get hit – and you don’t get hit very often!

    I agree about Silverdaddies (it has the largest database) but my other suggestions would be Caffmos, NiceDaddies and DaddyHunt – a full list and reviews can be found at http://www.graygay.com/links_dating.htm

    One thing I would suggest is meeting people you meet online in a neutral location rather than at your home the first time you meet (e.g. a Cafe or bar) – people have known to be less than honest with their online profiles.

    The specialist older men admirer dating sites are a good place to start but meeting gay older men offline is harder – Primetimers Chapters (www.primetimersww.com) provide social events and many gay groups provide a good way of meeting them – especially gay arts groups (as mentioned). Also (gay) sports groups – especially sports that older men tend to play such as Golf, Bowling etc. and my sport sailing (www.glorysailing.org)

    Regards

    Pewit
    GrayGay.com

  2. Pewit makes an excellent point. No matter how well you feel you have gotten to know someone online, when you meet them for the first time (or even first few times) you should do so in a public place. Take care when sharing personal information and meeting strangers from the net.

    His other suggestions for online dating and real world activities are great. My suggestions were by no means comprehensive, they were meant to get my readers thinking about a variety of options, so I welcome any suggestions others might have.

  3. i concur with Pewits points. i have dated only a hand full of times but all of my engagements have been to older men.My experience has been limited to sites like Silver daddies, but i did find guys that i ended up dating for long periods of time. My last relationship lasted for 2 years( first LTR) out of the many i found on the site i met 5 and out of those 3 are my friends. 1 is the nicest person anyone could ever meet. Even though i was young at the time(18) i was mature enough to care myself. its always imperative to meet in a neutral location, never at his or your home or business. This can be a big mistake if the guy has hostile intentions. For example and excellent place i picked was Navy Pier to meet one of my ex’s. Its open in the public and i can get help if i need it. We ate at the restaurant at the front entrance and after wards we walked around the perimeter of the Pier during the sunset. My rule was to avoid sexual advances esp on the first date/meet up. Get to know them first before doing anything you’d regret.

    wish i can add more to the dialogue but that require more experience i guess.

  4. neutral ground is a must.Go somewhere public but where neither of you are known.I call it a half way house i.e half way between his and your place.

  5. 75yo, I live in the Philippines currently. A problem: How does one tell a young gentleman: No Sex on the First Date? The youngsters here are REALLY hot to trot, but I want to get to know their BIG heads first. They (generally) want to get sexually involved ASAP. When I say “NO” they seem very hurt, as though I don’t like them at all. Suggestions?

    • hi mike! im a 24 yo college student in the philippines just wondering if u would like to meet?

      • I’ve been trying to find a young man who loves the company of an older man as friends, but most just want sex. Is there a site where younger guys can seek a father or grandfather figure as a friend? I’m 65 and share similar interests as young guys. Electronic games, musical instruments, fantasy movies, etc. I like shy wholesome kinds of guys who enjoy simple clean fun. [contact info removed my admin]

  6. In reply to Mike, younger men aren’t always the only ones. I’m a younger man who was under 40 until this year (just turned). Nearly all the older men (like 90%) I’ve dated in the past 10 years wanted sex on the first meeting.

    The few that weren’t pushing for sex right away (even if they were obviously attracted) were by far the more satisfying in all other ways. We got to know each other much better rather than pretending to care in the rush to this “finish line” of sex at the end of the date.

    Sex is a nice, momentary boost, but having someone who cares about you and is there (even as a casual friend) is much more valuable in any long term view.

    People tell me that there are cases where starting out as f-buddies turns into something more meaningful. I’ve never had that happen. It might happen, but you also might win the lottery.

    My experience is that those willing to hold off even a little while have a much bigger chance of turning into someone I would consider as friends (or more) later on instead of someone I don’t really want to talk to if I saw them on the street.

    My estimation is that putting off sex a bit will give you a huge increase in your chance of finding longer-term relationships. I’d say it increases the chances by about 10 times.

    Some people will be annoyed or miffed if you don’t “do it” on the first meeting, but all you’re probably missing out on is some temporary fun.

    If the other person dumps you or loses interest if you don’t put out right away then it tells you something about what they value, what they are looking for, and how compatible you are in non-physical ways. You can move on and try to find a prince to kiss instead of spending all your time time and energy kissing frogs who have a 1 in a million chance of turning into a prince.

  7. 48 year old masculine man who prefers a Younger partner.
    I am finding it difficult as of late to find a young man who is ready to settle down or spend the time together as we get to know each other.
    Yes there are some gay sites for older and younger including those daddy sites everyone talks about. But the quality of Boy on there isnt what it is cracked up to be so I have to assume those writing those reviews own those sites. But those sites also dont care who is on there and there are a Lot of scammers and those profiles that are there are not being honest with who they are or even have pictures of the dream boy to intice us in. The site does nothing to weed them out or protect there subscribers so why pay for there services.
    With me I do prefer a much younger man who is Fun and appreciates his older partner, and is Honest and Loyal as I am.

    Dan

    • Dan I agree! Most dating sites have multiple fake profiles just to make the site appear to be popular. I’m a younger guy seeking older, the site I use to talk to guys is gay.com. The older guys I’ve talked to are very real, though the competition is stiff. How do you compete with the other young guys with nice abs? It seems no one cares about how smart you are, it’s about how hot you are.>.<

      • I have many bad experiences encountered on that site..seems guys older than you are just seeking nothing but cybersex.

      • Your right there are going to be a lot of people out there for more casual relationship. That may mean camming or friends with benefits, etc. I wouldn’t fault these people unless they are intentionally deceptive, disrespectful, or insistent once you tell them your intention. The more specific you are in your profile about what your looking for, the more of the bad eggs you’ll weed out. You may want to specify that your not into cyber sex. Remember, a dating site is simply a tool and you can make that tool work better for you with practice.

      • Not everyone is seeking hot sexy guys over nice guys. It just takes a bit more searching to find a nice older guy as it does to find a nice younger guy. :o)

    • I am an older guy great personality love to have fun being spontaneous love walks on the beach haveing dinner come basck to my place and have sa normal conversation i am not aggressive on the first and second like to getto know you

      • hey dude i am also older man with a great personality love hanging out and going for dinner going back to your place and see what happens are you older than 25 not going to get myself in trouble with the law i am true to my words if interested i will give you my #

    • Dan, i relate to what you are saying 100%.

      I feel the same about those sites.

  8. @Dan
    I write the reviews of the dating sites and I belong to them all – so there is no bias.
    I also mention those that have fake IDs (yes I do look through the profiles) and those that send you fake messages to get you to pay.
    Some sites do have affiliate schemes which mean that I get a very small amount if someone joins but it’s not enough for any regular income and it doesn’t stop me criticising the sites – in fact the best ones don’t have affiliate schemes because they don’t need to.
    In looking for your “Dream Boy” for a LTR ask yourself what you could change to be the “Dream Man” for your prospective date – work on your profile text then:
    1) Get someone else to critique your profile
    2) Apply the site filters (usually available to full members) to exclude those from too far away, wrong age etc.
    3) Get some decent photos taken – and none below the belt
    4) Apply the no sex on first date rule – a good way to tell if it’s serious
    5) Keep kissing the frogs!

    See the dating tips here http://www.graygay.com/safesurfing.htm

  9. Im a young man, and what did you say about the relationship is not always true
    i think when two person despite of their age ; could make a life together!

    • yes you are exactly right have a boy friend right now but he is prison not going to see him for a long time ilove him very much i se3nd him a 100.00 a week to help him get what he needs now all of a sudden he has not wrote to me in over a month trying to figure out whats wrong i have always been there for him his parents have nmothing to do with him i try to take care of him right now but have not heard from in over a month

  10. @Anad, I agree with you absolutely – from my own personal experience.

    I was in my early 20s when I met my first partner who was in his mid 50s and we were together for 18 years.

    He’s now nearly 80 and we remain friends but I left him for a younger man – aged 78!

    There’s 25 years age difference between us and, while we have known each other for 16 years, we have only been living together for 5 – we love each other and it really works.

  11. I am a young asian guy who likes guy who is older than me..I think now a days looking for Mr. Right in a gay dating site is so hard…Most of the older men are just so nice at first but they have hidden intentions like when you are chatting they just wanted you to get naked on cam for sexual pleasure… Maybe there still few who are serious but its really hard to trust someone now a days….

    • i live i Reno ,Nv. most fil guys here (young guys)don’t even answer a smile.They block u!No maturity,they think they r all that.I lived in PI and i am saddened by this show if rudeness and lack of communication skill.

    • You are right, and as one other poster said…. “keep kissing the frogs” I am a 55 yo. pretty dominant man and tend to be attracted to guys under 30… thank god Andreson Cooper made grey hair popular with young gay guys…. It is hard to find a young guy that wants to have a true monogamous LTR… and there are a few… just like good older guys… just keep looking…. and put yourself out there….

      • After a long year of waiting I finally found my man…Yes I know he is the One for me, though its too early to tell we still on our 8 months in relationship but it seems we been together for a couple of years. Now, i am happy and contented. Patience really a virtue.

  12. I’m a decnt looking in shape 61 year old professional and have been in an exclusive relationship with a 24 yr old for two years. He lives with his family and i live with my longterm nonsexual partner but we are together one way or another every day. He is bright and gorgeous –the kind of guy i doubt would have given me asecond glance 30 years ago –and here he is in love with me. I helped him overcome the very slow death of his father and along the way he came out to his family and friends. Catch is (please dont laugh ) now that he is the sole breadwinner he is perennially broke and i am Santa. I love the guy and i know he feels a lot for me but what started as a one off thing is really getting out of hand. Its always something…i cant just cut hm off and dont want to come off like an old miser but after two years i would really like to find out once and for all if he loves me or my money…

    • This is a quandary. You certainly shouldn’t let your young friend take advantage of you. But, where is that line? I agree that it is probably time to address the issue with him directly.

    • I wish I could find a man like you. I am 20 yrs old and madly in love with a 43 yr old man. He has been my mentor, role model and close friend for a long time but he has no feelings for me whatsoever. I know this because I have told him I love him but he doesn’t love me, but we are still a close as we always have been. I just want an older man I can share my life with. Intimacy fromm an older man is such a great thing. I have always been jelous that women get to have that more then guys

      • Tim, LOL, most women will tell you that they are jealous that all the good men are gay…
        You need to put yourself out there and meet older guys… as you meet them, learn the traits that tend to attract us (like being focused on more than Lady Gaga…) The same as men in my age bracket (55) have to learn about things like walking dead and x-box…. Make an effort to answer emails with a complete answer… not a one or two word reply…. be open and honest and you will find the man of your dreams – and he will be a very lucky man indeed…

      • Oh well, you’re one of a kind in what you say. Hope you can find that special someone who cares about you more than just in the bedroom.

      • I hope you don’t mind me saying, “Perhaps you feel safe in the relationship and subconsciously fear losing it if you seek out and find a lover. Believe me, you will not lose what you enjoy in this relationship when you find a mutual in-lover partner.” My seventy seven years on this planet taught that to me. Good luck. I love you for your willingness to reach out.

  13. I think possibly both of you are exploiting each other.

    You live with your partner and use him as for sexual favours he lives with his parents and uses you as his bank. No commitment on either side.

    Bright, gorgeous and broke is not a good recipe for a relationship especially when there are plenty of bright, gorgeous younger men with their own career who also like older men.

    I think you should confront him (and yourself) on just how much he is costing you (keep a tally) and make the point that you need your savings to pay for your retirement – not to keep him out of working for a living.

    You could always say you have medical expenses to meet and go away for a while (The Celebration of Friends is in Ft Lauderdale in June – for example).

    I also think you should analyse your motives – what would make you leave your non-sexual partner and live with someone?

  14. I think the question of the main post here was about “meeting” older men, not about developing and continuing relationships of older/younger. Toward that end, I liked what Pewit said, essentially that “meeting” can happen in almost every instance of daily life; it need not be through dating sites and other internet forums.

    In my case, I think I have proven among both older men my age and younger men, it is simply a matter of being friendly, civil and courteous….and outgoing, too. The most chance conversation can lead from a simple courteous “hello” to serious recognition of common interests in an amazingly brief instance. Please, it is not at all unlike the Str8 world where visiting businessman says hello to the front office receptionist—-and the electricity of the vibes sparkles fast!

    I think “gaydar” and “bidar” are silly ideas compared to the mutual conversational paths of two friendly men, be they both waiting for the bus, both sitting at the bar or doing legit business over the counter. Yes, after the first hello there is an element of pushing the envelope, but, hey, that’s fun, too—-for both!

  15. I’m too picky. If I see a daddy I can’t keep my eye off of, which isn’t too often, I’ll say hi and shake his hand just for the sake of capturing his attention. This is at gay bars.

  16. Dating older man in my experience 10 years, has been a pain in the butt, they all think they know better than us younger. I just finished with one and I am glad, no more Old Bats for me. Now I understand why younger me like me dont date older gays..

    • I agree
      I’ve been in one for 2.5 years now with a 48 y/old im 24 and find I’m isolated from my own generation and from my friends in my age group just because they are guys and im gay.
      Champaign parties and all that crap are boring, what surprises me is I pay for everything even our trips over seas trips yet I’m the younger one!
      I had to sell my car and be transported in his car as my car was not to his standard.
      I feel kept more than being loved.
      What worse is I’ve had to turn down 2 offers of career advancement where I would have been given an extra 20k ontop of my current 46k salary:(
      Is this normal and are others in same situation?

      • Wellington, it certainly sounds like you’re in a space with your boyfriend where there isn’t mutual respect. You’ve made some major sacrifices for him, but he either doesn’t reciprocate or acknowledge that. In many relationships things will never be completely even because the means of one individual is different than that of the other. But if you’re feeling either not respected or valued then it might be time to confront the problem. I always encourage trying to work it out within the relationship first, but be prepared to leave it he’s not willing to do things to help make the relationship work.

      • I am also an Older man Into a Younger partner at the age of 49 now it is a daily task to keep the relationship strong and a lot of give and Take on BOTH parties.. If that isn’t there then it is doomed to fail
        Compromise is as important as Trust
        Communication is a major key
        talking and making time for each other
        Don’t get me wrong I am not one who needs space and i don’t like a boy telling me that. But you also have to do things your not comfortable wit as your younger partner need to as well
        Older Younger same age man girls dominant submissive are all who you are. But the needs of the one your with is what has to be a priority as your needs with Him or her.
        I am still single and I hate it since I am not the single type
        But I would love a young ma who is as into me as I am into Him.
        Finding compatible friends who are OK with our relationship and respect it and don’t look down on it is another subject all together.
        I hope you enjoyed reading what i had to say and ignore any typos lol
        This site is rather new to me and I look forward to any comments or anyone interested in talking
        Dan

      • hey i have to say i really believe him nobody else has ever stuck by him for whatever he has done i am always there for him i am the type of person that looks beyond whtever happened

      • What attracts you to an older man? Personally, I like someone mature and younger men can be just as mature or more. Everyone needs their own set of friends. I am seeking a companion, younger or older, who is attractive, shares common interests and values, and makes me laugh.
        I am a swimmer and keep running into these beautiful young guys. I am hoping that one of them may be interested in an older guy like me.

    • not older guys are always the same way i love taking care of my boyfriend i would do anything I have a very big heart and that sometimes gets me im trouble I guess they that I am apush over if i find you very attractive and feel the connection between me and the youger guy nobody will have to worry about anything I would take care of that special person in my life

  17. thank you al for your cmments really mean alot to me but i love this young dude with all my heart and soul and i am hopeing he is telling the truth

  18. hopefully he is not fucing with me but i think he is very honest with me he has nobody including his famly

  19. please respond to me thank you , billy

  20. I am a young bisexual male, who is interested in dating older men. I am not out. I frequently use gay dating websites & I have met some nice guys, mostly NSA fun & I enjoyed the experience overall…I would really like to meet a guy for more than just the sex, but I don’t know how to approach it…I would like to think I could just pull a guy right off the street. At the moment I have a crush on guy who I know pretty well & he is not gay as far as I know. I would like to tell him how I feel about him, but have no idea how to do it.

  21. And this site goes straight to my reading list. Saved. Hihihihihi. Always admire older gay men, I don’t know why but I believe when u like or love something u don’t need to explain why.

  22. Hi I’m 23 and honestly trying to seek a loyal partner. Been with a 43 years old guy for 3 years and found out that he has been having sex with other guys behide my back. I guess nobody is loyal nowadays due to lots of selection and temptation over the dating sites. It is hard to find a decent guy who are looking for a serious relationship.

    • Daniel, there are a lot of guys that still believe in monogamy… I have often found the same problem “in reverse” I find it seldom that a young guy believes in being faithful…. and of course there are some… try specifically stating that you seek a long term committed monogamous relationship… if nothing else you will scare off a lot of the guys that just seek nsa…. I am 55… have no interest in cheating or cheaters… lol

      • That’s cool but u were right about the part where it will scared off guys if they looking for NSA or just not ready for a relationship yet. Maybe I’m wrong but it seems like most of the guys in Aus are just not into relationship.

      • you could be surprised…. Just keep looking.. I lived for many years in Los Angeles… that is as bad as it gets for superficiality and lack of interest in a LTR… and I still found some good guys… (did eventually give up and move to North Carolina… where it is more LTR oriented… lol) Dont give up…. just hold out for a man that deserves you…

      • Hahahaha thank you. Ill have faith

  23. Daniel is spot on ! Damn it.
    I am also about that age and it seems to me that no older gay man wants a serious thing with young guy. I am still searching but the motivation fades away with discovery. Maybe they can’t be true to themselves, who knows.
    Hope’s still there :-D In about 20 years i will also be an older gay man :-) lol

    • Yea u are right. Probably the more experiences u get ur desire towards loyal relationship will fade as well.

      Hey just maybe I’m not attractive enough to keep an guy or I’m just too nice. Am trying to get fit and hopefully someone can hold on to me. I’m not physical appearence are eveything but hey everyone look at outside b4 going deep. At least I score first by having good looks lol.

      Anyway I just doesn’t wants to be alone after 30. Wanted a relationship that could hold a bit longer. But its hard where I’m the only one trying. Oh yea, don’t try too hard as the other one might feel pressure or u’re too needy.

    • Bastinan,
      There are a lot of us older guys that want monogamy….

  24. I think that this is a very interesting thing to think about — gay relationships between an older and younger male. I admit, that as a 22 year old gay male, the thought of loving and being loved by an older man fills me with warmth and desire. And it has nothing to do with “daddy issues” as I have a wonderful, loving and sensitive father who has always been in my life and is very much my best friend. In fact, the thought of dating a man that bears even the slightest resemblance to my own father is absolutely repulsive to me. Yet, I find myself incredibly drawn to older men about mid thirties to mid forties. I think it may be a combination of older men being far more mature, confident, wise and stable and the fact that I tend to not fit in much with my peers. I am also attracted to other guys my age but I find myself apprehensive about being in a relationship with one as the both of us would be somewhat inexperienced and many guys our age don’t quite know what we want. If the chance that an older man would show an interest in me appeared, I would probably gladly reciprocate. Lately, my desire for a stable, long-term relationship with someone who is passionate, warm, affectionate and “take charge” has really been growing exponentially. And I’ve been feeling more sexual lately too lol. My only worry is that as we both age, I would no longer be the young guy he fell for, and he would move on to someone younger. I feel that if I fall for a man, my love for him would pretty much remain everlasting. Also, I’m not sure some of my family members would really approve; I come from a (African-American) family with a religious (Christian) background. Despite these potential setbacks though, I am totally open to dating an older man and feel I would actually quite enjoy that. I suppose I’ll be doing more research though.

  25. I’ve read and found these posts very interesting. Myself, I’m a 57 yr. old gay man, who is currently nurturing a relationship with a 27 yr. old. It was he who found me on silverdaddies back in early June. We exchanged emails and a few pics back and forth for about 2 weeks. I’ve always been the one pursuing, but he was after me. A totally new experience for me. He said the sweetest and most flattering things I’ve ever had said to me. Well, we then decided to meet. We live about 50 miles apart, so I picked him up at a gas station near his house. As soon as our eyes met, I was struck by the sparkle I saw, and his smile was incredible. We went for a ride around town, and within 5 minutes he was touching my thigh. He told me he had never done that before, just reaching over like that, that he was normally much more cautious and reserved. He just couldn’t stop himself. I was so flattered, I can’t adequately explain it. So yes, there was an immediate, mutual physical attraction for sure. There was something so charming and honest about him. I just got a vibe I can’t explain. We then went to a small restaurant and had a little something to eat, and each had one drink. What started out as a hookup, now felt like a real date. I was so enjoying this, never having ever been on a real date with a man before, it was always just a hookup for sex. We ended up getting a room at a hotel, and yes, we had sex the first time we met, but it was more than that. I’ve never been really comfortable kissing other men, it just seemed to personal, something reserved for someone for whom you have feelings. Well, I’ve never enjoyed kissing like this in my life. I felt so incredibly comfortable with him, and every touch and caress I extended was returned in kind. Nothing pretentious about him, no hangups about his body (or mine). While we’re 30 yrs. different in age, it seems like a genuine, mutual attraction. Something about it just feels right. We’ve seen each other many times since then, at first every 2-3 weeks, now every week. I not only love this man, I think I’m IN love with him as well. I offhandedly told him I loved him, ya know, like a sincere fondness, and he said that I could go ahead and love him all I wanted, because he “dug” me. I don’t want to be too forward, or move things too fast, or have him think I’m needy whatever. I want the relationship to develop at a leisurely pace, and see where the journey takes us. My one concern, am I filling a need he may have at this stage in his life, and I’m just a passing fancy, or can I hope beyond hope that it will be something lasting? I’d like a future with this young man. He’s had such a positive influence on my life, shown me what I’ve been missing, and what joy and pleasure two men can share together. I feel I can be myself, and that means I can get silly, uninhibited, and he does the same. Can any of you younger guys see yourself living with someone so much older than yourself? This young man is not out at all, virtually no one knows he’s bi/gay. His roommate knows he’s bi, but doesn’t know he prefers older men. He’s not out to his family or friends, so I’m his little secret. I’m fine with that, and as time goes by, I’m hoping he’ll be more comfortable with who he is, and be able to talk openly with his family. Family can be tough though. You take the risk of alienation and rejection. I never came out to my parents before they both passed away, and regret it. I feel like I’ve started a new chapter in my life, and this young man is the center of it. He stimulates me on all levels: emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical, you name it. I have a difficult time keeping my emotions in check, and minding what I say. I think he loves me as I do him, and I want him to come to the realization on his own, not at my prodding. I’m a shift supervisor where I work, in charge of the shop and it’s approx. 50 employees on my shift, so I deal with all sorts of issues. I’m a good listener, understanding, as fair as I can be and genuinely like being around people. Maybe that comes through in my personality and the way I approach and deal with people. I’m comfortable with who I am, have a very positive outlook on life, very much a “the glass if half full” kind of guy. Maybe he can sense that as well.

    So, while the pundits will advise against sex at a first meeting, I can honestly say without reservation, that for me, what started as a hookup, has turned into the most fulfilling, rewarding, satisfying friendship I’ve ever experienced, bar none. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t acknowledge that I’m cautiously optimistic about the long term. If things don’t work out, I’m certain that he’ll never forget me, nor I him. The experience of getting back what I put in, be it emotional or physical, is truly amazing, and I’m on an indescribable high each time I see him that lasts for days on end. I just can’t wipe the smile off my face. I’m hopeful for the future, but I’m living a day at a time, and loving my new friend. I cherish the time we spend together. Thanks so much for listening.

  26. Dear Darren,

    I’ve just stumbled on this site – and just read your posting. I thought it lovely and I do, sincerely believe that you are on to something very positive indeed. It’s there I know to be cherished.

    I have of late had a similar situation myself. I met a lad of 23 some weeks ago. I am exactly like yourself 57 but am in London. I had met him – truth to be told – through Gaydar. I had simply sent a message saying that I very much appreciated the fact that he played the piano. That’s all. His profile said he was looking for chaps between 18 and 99; so it appeared the field was fairly open as far as he was concerned.. (I certainly wouldn’t want to show a lack of respect for anyone’s guidelines.) He wrote a sweet message back and that started a conversation between us. (It turns out he doesn’t play the piano. The picture was taken in a Madame Tussauds in Bangkok … with a figure of Beethoven behind. Bless him for being honest about that.) Finally, after exchanging a goodly number of messages we agreed to meet. He sent me a one just before meeting asking if I minded that he wasn’t looking for sex but rather friendship or a relationship. I replied that was fine as I was on that wave-length as well. He was a graduate student (he’s just graduated) in ‘Ethical Politics’ — whatever that is exactly. I took him to a concert in memory of Daniel Pearl as I thought that might be appropriate. We stayed for the first act and then went to a coffee house down the road. We stayed there until it closed. In fact I think they just didn’t kick us out. I think the staff could see there was something special going on. The place had long cleared of paying customers. This lad is from India … and is incredibly aristocratic; not in manner, just in the beauty of his reserved bearing. Certainly I felt the mystery of India (I’ve never been there) just looking into his large eyes. There were times when he would smile and we would just look at each other and smile. I was totally transported … and – even better – I felt magically comfortable … opening up to him entirely. ‘Am I boring you?’ I would ask. ‘Don’t ask again,’ he wold later appeal. Even better … there were times when we just looked and smiled at each other and were entirely silent. Amazingly there was (certainly for me) no need to fill the space. There was nothing awkward. There was just a feeling of peace. When we left I walked him to the tube station. I held his hand as I said goodnight. I said that I wanted to see him again and he immediately blurted out ‘yes’. He said that he really wanted to meet me again very soon. I didn’t hug him. I didn’t want him to think that I needed to come on to him to be satisfied. I didn’t. I was already flying (although there was no question but that I was very attracted … but then I knew he knew that.) I watched him as he went through the stall. Suddenly he was the most beautiful guy on two feet. When I was with him there WAS no one else. I went back home in a trance. It was so totally unexpected. I wrote him a text on the way back … and he replied immediately saying that he ‘didn’t know how to express how much being with me had meant to him’. We continued to write notes to each other … and still do … and then we met again and had another fantastic time. That time we hugged spontaneously when we first met. I’d had a long telephone chat with him and I’d ended by asking him to give himself a hug for me. ‘Let’s do that now,’ he so sweetly said. When we left after that second date I kissed him on the neck before we parted. Again, I watched him as he went through the stall. This time he turned and smiled one of his dazzling smiles. (When I’m with him – and I know this sounds crazy – but I feel like we are the same age … or is that ageless?) I knew (from within the first ten minutes of our first date) that he would be travelling soon. His car picked him up the morning atter our second date at 3.30 am to catch a plane to Dublin. (To wit: he had NO sleep.) I sent him a couple of messages (of course I couldn’t restrain myself and I certainly didn’t want him to think that I didn’t care) and he wrote me back a note saying that he had gone to see a play at the Abbey Theatre and that he had so wished that I was next to him. I sent a text saying that I would like to be ANYWHERE as long as it was with him, cos that’s how I felt/feel. (I found myself walking about thinking about practically nothing else but him … I see things and I want to share them with him … I hear things and I want to tell him.) I knew he was going back to India for a visit after Ireland. I sent him a couple of notes … one a day … and, hadn’t had a reply for a couple of days … and was pretending it was ok. Strangely it didn’t really bother me (and I am one to bother) as I have faith in him. Then last night when I came in I found he sent a note saying:

    ———————

    Dear Bruce,

    How are you doing?

    First of all, accept my apologies for a late reply. I was traveling! Reached home in Delhi a while ago. It’s 3:18 am here in New Delhi- Just to remind you, I was in Bangalore for some work :) The night I arrived in Bangalore, it rained cats and dogs (but the weather was fairly pleasant for rest of my stay- I don’t really mind rains but of course it’s the mood that makes the weather good or bad. I had to finish some administrative jobs. I am happy to be back to Delhi. Its very nice to see my Mom and Dad. My sister is away (she will be back on 2nd Nov)and so is my brother (like always).

    Thank you for such beautiful messages. You mean so much to me already. You are a beautiful person- intelligent, considerate and passionate. Thanks for all your kind words- I am really not sure if I deserve all this appreciation. You make me feel good about myself and thank you very much for that. Meeting you for that second time was another marvelous experience and I am so looking forward to many, more such experiences :)

    What do you want from India? (Don’t say, ‘you come back safely’ because I will! lol- I have your good wishes after all)

    Thanks for your encouragement and sharing your opinions- I really appreciate it. I have been passionately inclined towards filmmaking since childhood and I am certainly going to further my interests. I am going to email you two rough drafts of my writings- one on belongingness and the other one on third cinema. Hope you will enjoy reading them.

    Ni hou maaaa? lol [A friend was teaching him Chinese and he was teaching me]

    I wish you all the very best for your presentation tomorrow. I will also try to get some sleep now. You have a good night Bruce and wake up with a BIG smile on :)

    I’m with you.

    See you
    Sweet dreams”

    ————

    I know it’s a simple note … but for me it could be Shelley or Byron or Edna St. Vincent Millay..

    I actually think his being away is good … It gives us both time for an enhanced perspective from both sides. I know I won’t forget him … and I know – even now – I want him to be a significant part of my life. It’s been over 20 years since I had a relationship – and certainly I’m not a sex bunny. I lived in NYC during the early 80′s and saw too many friends die such horrible deaths as a result of AIDS. I’ve always kept myself ‘for something more’. Indeed I think part of me buried that aspect in me some time ago – not with intent but out of self preservation. As I told this lad, I knew there was something special when I turned around during the break immediately after the first movement at that concert. I asked him if his sight was still blurred (he’d been to see an eye doctor). He smiled and and shook his head. I smiled back. That’s all. When I turned back I knew in my heart that this was as inevitable as it was unexpected. I only truly get into trouble when I go against my instinct. You’ll laugh, Darren, but I put his photo onto my phone. Before I go to sleep now I kiss it. Strangely I know he wouldn’t mind. Even more strangely I hadn’t thought before we met that I would be all that attracted. How wrong I was. His very presence now makes him the most beautiful guy on two feet. When he goes through that stall part of my heart goes with him.

    Am I mad? I don’t know. Certainly this lad is NOT a schemer … I’ve had correspondence with several of those and they usually make themselves quite obvious quite quickly. He certainly doesn’t need money. In fact, he has more money than I do. He shows up wearing haute couture and takes a £60 cab ride to the airport … Something I would NEVER do. (My parents were raised during the Depression after all.) But that doesn’t matter for me just now. It’s what money can’t buy that I’m interested in. I don’t want anything from India more than I think I already have. Just the succour of the knowledge of his being is gift enough for me. As the song would have it: ‘Who could ask for anything more.’..

    I would love to stay in touch, Darren, to get your guidance and to continue to share our tales – should you be remotely interested that is. There is no question but that It would be a wonderful frame of reference from my perspective. Thanks so for your wonderful posting. I’m not sure how one continues to make contact here … but I am happy to leave an email address if you thought that appropriate/prudent..

    Cheers, Bruce

  27. I am older and found that many young Asians in general, but Filippinos in particular go for older white guys like me.

    Everyone’s experiences are different. Speaking from mine, younger white guys tend to be untrustworthy, arrogant and oftentimes cliquish and indifferent as well as being very materialistic. I really don’t care how they live, but it just doesn’t work for me.

    • You are so right! The key words “it doesn’t work for me” is all that need be said. Wisdom is in knowing what works or does not work. If we are speaking about love, then we are in the realm of timelessness where age is not a measure or weight on our courage to love. I say that I love beauty more than I say that I love young men, whom I do love. The beauty of one’s spirit comes first for me as I see that it does for you as well. Good luck in all your adventures.

      • Thank you Joe for your kind and thoughtful comments. You seem like a beautiful person inside as well.

  28. The young man’s dilemma: The one that loves him will not give him intimacy, so he looks to another he adores but who doesn’t give him intimacy or love because he wants to keep the door ajar should a young charm want to come in; so he keeps the younger one in the ‘just friends’ circle. In the meantime, there’s one that wants to give him all the intimacy and even love, but the young one is not interested in him b/c he doesn’t act like the one that loves him nor looks like the one who doesn’t.

  29. When I was a boy, I had an older man (70s) as a friend and mentor, and I loved him for thinking that I was worth the time and attention that he was willing to lavish on me. I was also employed by a less older man (late 30s) who was very patient and generous, and with whom I worked long hours six days a week during the summertime. I loved him also for all his caring and attention.
    It never even occurred to me back then that an older man might be sexually interested in me, a mere teenage boy (13 to 19.) Had they been, there would have been plenty of opportunities for them to show it, or maybe they did, but it went right over the top of my head since I was never the least bit sexually interested in them (even though I was keenly interested in sex and, like most other guys that age, a compulsive fantasist and masturbator!)
    Now, in my old age (70s) I’d love to have a young guy in my life; as a companion with whom to occasionally do mutually enjoyable things together … and also for sex in a discrete loving relationship. But remembering my lack of interest in older men when I was young, I can’t imagine that there are many young guys who would find me sexually attractive. Thus I have no idea how to communicate that desire to a younger guy. My sense is that I always seem to come off as a “old man,” sending just the opposite message.
    I’m guessing that I’m not alone in this dilemma.
    If that’s true, then young guys who are looking for a relationship with an older guy might be well-advised to take the initiative, being as discretely encouraging as possible, in order to avoid passing up a lot of opportunities. Some of the things I’d probably find encouraging enough to break the ice might be closeness (standing or sitting just inside my personal space,) touching, eye contact, offering complementary comments, and showing some personal vulnerability.

  30. I personally believe that few people take the time to read every comment in detail, I mean all the people who have commented are very serious
    I did, I took almost 3 hours.

    My language is not English, I have tried to learn it by myself…

    I have a profile on one of the web sites most of you mention name silverdaddies,
    I have not had much luck, maybe because I’m in a country far away, i live in colombia suth america; most people toldme i have a interesting profile,,, mature for my age im 25..

    but when maybe i try to share something whit some one it have been dificult.some of the young people in many parts of the world, are suffering some consequences of glovalizacion, and many changes in countries where there is so much corruption there are many more problems.. obviously in the internet you can find thousands of scammers, but I think you can also find good people, nice ones and etc ,,, I am looking for a relationship with an honest and serious person
    and for sure if i can be honest whit some one that can help in some ways to improve something for my life and future , for boths for sure ,,,

    “but for a boy like me in my situation is always difficult, that i will always be judged harassed, misunderstood and treated as a scammer, because with just what says, i will have bad times i will always be judged as a person who is just or afther for money” i dont no know about the past of some people … but its just what ithink

    I do not think it’s fair to judge people by the behavior of others…

    thanks for the people that read my text reply … wish good luck

    and im sorry for my bad english !

  31. this may sound wierd but i kindda love seeking old gay partner in slums were aggression sexually and hunger for mating younger male partner do really exist

  32. Not all young man are always wanting sex just like me. What I am looking for is a serious relationship. A matured or older, respectful, friendly, understanding, have faith in God and all positive but I’m not saying he could be perfect. I’ve been to a lot of websites but all wants fun and wanted to trade
    nude pics. Sorry to them but I’m not
    that kind of person. Yes, I admitted that
    I am attracted to hot muscled top guys
    but I prefer older and matured guys because they are good lovers and caring . Thank you for your tips and I hope I could meet my lover on the sites you have suggested

  33. I have learned a lot from all your comments. Thank you for sharing it. My experience also in any dating gay sites is hard because most of the guys wanted someone near to their and not to long distance relationship. But I will never stop searching for my man. I just also hope I could work abroad and that our paths will cross and meet each other. Philippines here 26.

    • It would be nice to meet you too. How would we contact each other?

      • @ Edmond i’ll add you up to my yahoomail. Thank you for giving a reply it’s an honor. Hoping we could meet if u have facebook or skype just add me… I am looking forward that we are really meant for each other. I’m just using my fon but I will do my best to find a way to communicate with you honey….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 43 other followers

%d bloggers like this: