About

I am a man in my early 30s. I had a five year relationship with a man 40 years my elder. Much of the relationship was wonderful and I wouldn’t trade the love or experience for anything. However, it was time to move on. I am now single and exploring the world of intergenerational gay relationships in a way with different perspective.

With this blog I have decided to share my story in the hope that others interested in or a part of an age disparate relationship will know they are not alone. I also hope that others may read this and find that the idea of a May to December romance really isn’t so strange or foreign; to combat some of the myths that pervade our culture.

I intend my posts to be frank and honest examinations of romance, family, friendship, and social norms and expectations. That said, the details of some anecdotes may be changed to protect the privacy of my friends and family. I hope that my story and my thoughts on the subject of relationships will provide insights to others. Also, I welcome others to share their thoughts, feelings and questions.

 

Please note, this is not a dating site. While I encourage conversation in the comments, I do not have the resources to moderate the meeting of people in real life. Comments posted with the apparent intent of finding a date, partner, or sex with another individual on the site will not be approved.

34 Responses

  1. We are 35 and 62 from Minnesota…congrats!

    We’ve just added your to our blog roll.

  2. Wow. I just found this blog and the posts are incredible. I’m 20 and my boyfriends 49. You hit so many great points. I feel human again lol.

    Seriously, Thank You.

    Check this out if you get a chance.
    I’m adding this to my bloglist asap

    http://theonlyerroljames.blogspot.com/2008/09/september-28-2008-freedom.html

    • Hi

      I just read youre add I have one posted here also. I have a boyfriend I am 47 he is 21, I feel like we are alone somtimes because of the choice we have made glad there someone else in the same situation! I had some big issues with us a first but better now. We have just moved into Apt we lived in my house for a month first. Very happy! he is too would like to chat with you from time to time if you like, you can read my add for a little more info.

      JD

  3. Hi. Great blog. I am 40 and my boyfriend is 68. Thanks so much for writing. You’ve articulated many thoughts that I’ve had, but not organized coherently, and you’ve also got me thinking about other things that I hadn’t even considered. Great job.

  4. Hi,

    I am 53 and my patner just turned 23. We have been together for 5 months and lived together for almost 3 months.
    I just recently found your blog.Good to read about your daily life experiences.You touched a grat deal of sensitive points in an intergenerational relationship.
    And yes, I felt comforted that we are not alone.
    Thank you and please keep up the good work.

    hug
    herman

  5. I’m 44 and my husband is about to turn 77. We will be celebrating our fifth anniversary in February 2010. I came upon your blog today whilst surfing around–it’s absolutely wonderful to know there are others out there like us. Thanks for sharing.

    XOXO,
    John.

  6. Thanks !!

  7. Hi,

    Well, in the meantime my boyfriend and I will celebrate our first anniversary. We are 31 year part. It remains fun, challenging at times, romantic, exciting and so much more. But yes, love is a verb…. and it takes a lot of understanding, mutual respect, and … yes, a lot of patience at times. but i live to the fullest… so hey…
    Happy new year to all of you

  8. I just found your blog. THANK YOU. I am almost 60 and just ended a difficult relationship with a 25 yo. I have not read your postings yet but I intend so. I also want to share my experiences later on. Thanks for the forum.

  9. I really enjoy reading this blog and all the comments from others. It is great to know others like us. I am 63 and my partner is 24. We have incredible times together and age seems meaningless to us. Of course there are those times of misunderstanding but we are in love with each other. In additional to this, we are an international couple which adds another layer of issues. It works and we are happy.

    • Larry
      hope to hear more about your experiences. I was in what I thought a meaningful relationship. Like you both intergenerational and international. I am from Peru and 60 he is from Charleston and 25.
      It felt apart because of non fullfilled expectations. We had a wonderful time together like to caring best friends. But in bed there was nothing. He couldn’t deliver what I saw he could give young guys. It broke my heart and I felt really “tardy for the party”

  10. Unfortunately the urge to grow and forfill his dreams and widen his horizon have made my bf move out.
    He lives 300 ft away from me.
    We still have sex, kiss and cuddle but he wants to live apart and chase his dreams.
    I had wished for us to live together.
    But I am happy I started this relation when he was 22 and I was 53.
    We had great times and I am sure I gave him everything he could dream of.
    I love him so much I have to let him go, the ultimate prove of love, they say.

    He will soon turn 24 and I 55.

    xxx Herman

  11. I am glad I found this site hope I can get some feed back! The short version just got out of an 18 year marriage. I have two girls that leave with me. My ex knows I am gay and so do my two girls all good so far! I have been playing around with guys for about 5 years now of all ages 19-52 SAFE of course, all have been mostly one time thing but I have made some good from it also but more just one time hook up.

    So since my ex has moved out I have been looking for something more boy friend like, so here were my issue starts. I meet this guy when I was out one night we talked danced and talk some more then I went home with him, we spent two ½ days together it was very intense, I have never felt this way before with anyone EVER it very over whelming he is 21 (Hispanic) and I am 48 (White) just turned! I take care of myself workout and easy on the eyes don’t look my age.

    I am very scared! I have always kept this wall up with my feeling this guy has torn the wall down, when I try to talk with him about the age difference we both cry and he want listen too me. I tell him I know this is wrong I should know better, we have been together for 2 month now and spend every weekend together, and text like teenagers.

    He loves me and I love him. My questions! Is this wrong? Should I end this NOW? It will break my heart and his also (I am crying now as I write this) the feelings are deep. What should I do if anything? HELP ME!
    (IN LOVE)

    JD

    • JD

      I want to reassure you that there is nothing inherently wrong in this relationship with a younger man. It does seem like your separation from your ex has been pretty recent and so has the coming out process. No wonder you’re having a very emotional time. If the two of you are making each other happy, I see no reason that you should break this off. However, if you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state then it might do you some good to take the relationship fairly slow here at the beginning, let your boyfriend know where you’re coming from, and if possible find someone you trust that you can talk openly with about your relationship. All of this will give you time to put these changes in your life into perspective, to reflect on where you’re going and what you want.

    • JD
      I read your note with lots of interest. I know how you feel. I have gone through this same experience 3 times in the last 10 years since my “coming out”. I was also married for 25 years and have 3 sons. The family knows i am gay. They seem to accept it. What they seem to not like is the age difference in my choices. So this is the first thing I can share. The family has to deal with 2 issues, Dad being gay AND Dad liking twinks (of age of course). My younger partners have resented and got hurt by the stereotype of “gold digger”.
      The first one I fell madly in-love with (oh yes I can imagine the bliss you are in right now) was 18 and I was 50. We connected and he thought he was in love also. However no male can commit and love at such young age. I know. Neither straight or gay at 19 no boy is ready. For the next 5 years he will be looking for sexual experiences and the same bliss you are feeling, but with others. Anthony has come back to me now that he is 28 and we are together again, he is a man and as handsome as before. However, I am almost 61 now and what we could do in bed when I was 50 is no longer there. He thinks is him (not a twink anymore) I know is age and lack of testosterone. Two more conclusions, if allowed by you (not being insecure and getting hurt) the boy will wonder and experience and if meant to be he will come back however my aging is now presenting a challenge he wasn’t expecting, I got old, he matured.
      During his experimenting I also experienced 2 others, younger too but more of the user kind and fun. I never cared for them like I cared for Anthony. There were similarities in all 3 of them.
      Lastly, older married men will bring expectations to a 30 year difference relationship, that are more in-line to a straight marriage (all i knew for 25 years) that also puts a big strain to both of you.
      I will share more in the future.
      Cesar

  12. Hi…
    Sweet sixteen years separate my partner and me. I am about to turn 70 and he is 86. We met when we were just younguns (49 and 65). We just celebrated our 21st year together.

    I will look forward to hearing from others about the generational differences, frustrations, joys, etc.

    Thanks for providing this forum for us!

    If you’re interested in learning more about us and our relationship, go to my website http://www.thespeightsoflife.com and after you get into the almost 150 anecdotes I’ve written so far, look for numbers 24, 25, 33, 44, 46, 68, 100, 108, 123 and 126! Whew!

  13. (sorry for the poor English, I’m French…)

    Hi,

    thanks a million for this very interesting blog. I’m now 28 and my partner is now 60. I’ve always been into mature men. Younger, I did not realize the various questions you’re pointing in this blog. But I do agree with many of your thoughts!
    Keep going, it’s really interesting to have your feeling about your particular situation as your situation is by the way quite similar to many others.

  14. Nice to stumble upon this site.

    I was in a 20 yr relationship with a guy 10 yrs older than me. He passed 3 yrs ago and now find myself in a relationship with a guy over 30 yrs younger than me. I’m 50 and he’s not quite 20 yet and we’ve been together just under 2 years.

    It’s been an amazing journey and we share so much in common–socially, culturally and physically. Like any couple we have our disagreements. We have won over most of the nay-sayers among our families and friends, and we’re still making head way with the rest.

    Interesting reading similar stories and age difference as our.

    • Hi Paul,

      I’m finding that I’m entering into a relationship with a wonderful young man who is in his late teens and like you we have a thirty year difference in our ages, I’m wondering what the challenges that you both have experienced. We’re entering that pulse quickening stage with all it’s wonderful emotional highs, but what has me concerned is that neither he nor I have an idea of the problems we’ll face as an intergen couple.. I’m hoping to get ahead of the ball a little if I can…
      Bob

  15. I recently found your blog. Finally, something I can completely relate with. You may not post much, but what you post is quality.

    From your first post, I 100% agree that our attraction is very “under served.” I’m in my early 30’s and absolutely love older and mature men. Since my teens, I’ve always been attracted to older men mid-40’s plus years old. That aside, I actually get along better with mature men versus guys my own age. Rare we are.

    Thank you for writing and updating this website. I’m looking forward to reading through it all and future updates.

  16. I am am happy to come across your blog as I have been in two ‘May to December’ relationships. For many years I kept ‘trying’ to understand the attraction; it was undeniable.

    As you probably have come to know, there are many of these ‘special’ relationships across the world. It is comforting to know that others share the same ‘taste’. My deceased partner once said, ” if people don’t like what the see, they do not have to look!” I always found that most appropriate!

    Love really has no age boundaries. What attracts people to each other is as different as night and day. There are many relationships that I do not understand, yet what is there for me to know?

    When you get right down to it, they only two people who know what is REALLY going on in a relationship are the two that are in it. We find comfort from similar couples; we also support our individuality. Yet what holds true is the love and affection that our lives brings to us.

    Thanks for sharing…
    Best to you and your partner!
    Chris
    http://www.thepurplejacket.wordpress.com

  17. hello, i like your site and reportage stories. i have had a boyfriend with intents of marriage, whom i haven’t seen in four years. he had a stroke, we are 35 years difference. i am 61 now.
    there wasn’t any legal power of attorney signed, and is in his divorced fathers custody. his bio-parents hate each other. we were planning marriage.
    guys, get some paperwork signed. don’t mess up. there are lots of hateful people out there, and your families are full of them probably, no matter how progressive, liberal or hip you think they are.
    i have to go to tucson to find him, and press the changes button that obama signed, wish me luck, i need all of your help and support.
    love and blessings~john

  18. I am 23 and by partner is 50. I have been looking for a website like this for the last 4 years we have been together. It is such a relief to see so many people in similar situations as mine. Thanks and please keep updating…

  19. Thank you so much for this site and having the courage to express yourself so openly and honestly. I am 29 and my partner is 55. We’ve been together for about a year and a half and are about to move in together for the first time. It will actually be the first time I’ve moved in with anyone in a long-term relationship. I had a partner of three and a half years before this (my first boyfriend), but we never had the privilege of cohabitating. With my current partner, I feel we have the fundamental love and compatibility to go the distance. Your site and everyone’s comments on here give me hope and make me feel less isolated within the LGBT community. It’s such a youth-oriented culture sometimes that we feel “abnormal” within a community that society already deems “different.” So thank you for helping us feel not so “different.” :) Love and many well wishes to everyone here.

  20. Thanks for your wonderful blog; it is refreshing and comforting to see such honesty and true perception regarding younger/older issues. I’m in my 20s and have always desired older men…! I’m looking forward to reading more and will surely add your link to my site :)))

  21. I ran across this site after looking for other people’s experiences with relationships with age differences. When I was 30, I dated a man who was 26, and it felt like a huge gap to me at the time. After we broke up a year later, I dated a man for 2 years who was 8 years younger. In 2000, I met and dated a man who was 11 years younger than me.

    In none of these situations was I ‘seeking’ a partner – let alone one younger than me – it just happened.

    About a year ago, I met a man who is 29 years younger than me. We have a great deal in common, and he is very mature for his age; He is also divorced. We are growing progressively closer, and very much enjoy each others company, and I am honestly falling in love with him. I have no idea what the future may hold, but I had sworn to myself after the end of my first relationship when I was 30, that if I ever felt the way I did then, I would not walk away from it. So, I have decided to take a deep breath, remain grounded, and see where the path leads. …But I do occasionally have to tell that little voice of doubt in my head to “shut up”, lol!
    Love is the Law –
    Jon

  22. Took a while to read the whole site it all but whew it was well worth it. I am 50 years old and have just celebrated by 1 year anniversary with my 19 yr old partner Rob. Previously married and subsequently divorced with two teenage sons for the most part brought up my sons on my own. During this time I hired a babysitter a young guy 17 from a local school who helped out in the afternoons after about three years he told me he was gay and had a crush on me. We commenced a relationship and i found love like i had never known, 10 years almost to the day one week before Christmas he was tragically killed, the house fell silent, Santa didn’t make a stop that year. My sons and I look each other in the eye more frequently now and we always say i love you when we are leaving the house. I came home from work two weeks ago and Rob had pulled out the christmas tree, all three of my boys were putting on the decorations, tonight there are carols playing on the tv for the first time in 4 years, wait what was that i thought i heard sleigh bells. Looks like we are on Santas stop again.

  23. I am a 57 man living in London. Thank you very much for this amazing site – so many of the comments make pure sense. You have added greatly to my life and experience.

  24. I’m dating a 22 year old , I’m 54…….. Do you think it can work out?

    • Hey Robert!

      I’m 50 and in a relationship with a 24 year old hispanic! we will be together 3 years the 19th of this month, and the last three years with him has been the best years of my life. I was very skeptical at first what people would say and thought would this even work, I wasn’t looking for a partner at all when we meet. I would have to say he is very mature for his age, very goal orientated, he has a very good job and goes to school. We respect each other also which helps, have set goals together. I do have to say from time to time I wonder if this will last? and will I even regret it, NO! the LOVE we have for each other I would never trade for anything.

      I hope to hear back from you!

      (Love is a word that some entertain
      If you find it you have won the game)

      JD

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