When I was on the market I generally limited myself to dating websites. They worked out for me pretty well, but I can understand that others may shy away from that method for meeting men. Since meeting someone, I’ve become a lot more socially active, and in doing so have come to realize there are other approaches to meeting men. The following are six strategies for younger men seeking an older partner. They might not all seem right for you, but hopefully the will provide you a broader set of strategies for meeting the right guy.
1. Find a gay online dating site that meets your needs. It is probably less imperative for younger guys than older guys, but you might consider dating sites geared toward intergenerational relationships. Sites such as Silverdaddies and SeeksOlder offer great search tools for finding compatible matches. While these sites still provide opportunities for casual dating they also present a sizable pool interested in serious relationships. I met my partner online and several men that I still consider my friends.
2. Join an organized social group tailored to an GLBT audience. Many communities have gay groups geared toward a variety of interests. If you’re just coming out you may consider joining a coming out support group. They offer a great opportunity to build a network of people going through a similar experience and the opportunity to meet interesting individuals. Or, you may want to choose a group that relates to your hobbies or interests. Organizations such as gay book clubs, political organizations, and outdoor/environmentalist groups are common and likely to attract an older crowd. If there is a pass-time you like, there are probably other gay people already organized and doing it together (the pass-time that is). If you meet someone at one of these groups you already know there’s at least one thing you have in common.
3. Go to art events. While the audience for art events aren’t necessarily all gay, a large number of older gay men are likely to turn out. While I think events in the visual arts are best, the performing arts such as plays and concerts provide intermissions in which you might mingle with people you’re interested in. The gallery districts of many cities hold first Friday events or other sorts of festivals. I think theses are excellent opportunities for meeting people; the art on exhibit offer excellent conversations starters.
4. Attend fundraising events; older men tend to be more politically involved. Whether it is a fundraiser for your local HIV/AIDS charity or a local Democratic candidate, fundraisers can provide an opportunity to meet smart and socially engaged people. It doesn’t hurt that potential mates will also see you as a caring socially conscious person.
5. Get involved with your local GLBT resource center. By staying involved in the community you’ll stay abreast of special events and you can build a network of friends. Who knows they just might introduce you to Mr. Right. My local community center regularly holds a GLBT “happy hour” at a local bar. Your resource center may also get you connected to those social groups I mentioned earlier.
6. Keep you eyes and mind open during your day to day life. As a group gay people are pretty bad at self ghettoizing; we think that gay bars and dating sites are our only options. Instead, remain open to opportunities to meet people all the time. Your hobbies and everyday activities may present opportunities for potential mates to approach you. Just walking your dog, riding your motorcycle, or going to the gym may draw a potential mate’s attention. Also, look for ways to start conversations with those men you find handsome or interesting. I’m not saying you should start by putting on the charm full force, but test the waters with attractive older men when you can. Even if they don’t happen to be gay learning to approach and talk with older men will be good practice for when you do meet an older gay man.
For those younger guys out there that have dated older men, what strategies have worked best for you? What sorts of places do you find older gay men?
Filed under: Advice, Dating, Questions Tagged: | attraction, coming out, gay, glbt, homosexual, intergenerational, meet, older gay men, older men, organization, relationship, social group, younger men